1 February 2010


My parents think I should leave London and move to Cambridge. Get myself a nice job and a nicer little house. When I was walking around Cambridge yesterday the idea seemed so tempting, there were hundreds of people on bikes, cobbled paths, lovely shops and beautiful parks. It would be cheap(er) and I would be near my family.

Sometimes I wonder what I am actually staying in London for. Slowly, I think I am beginning to realise that London isn’t paved with as much gold as I thought it was. I love that there is so much to do here, but surely things happen outside of London.

At the moment I am living in my boyfriends room and will probably end up lodging somewhere, and I work as a temp. I am completely on the fringe. No real home, no real job, and no real money…so I can’t even really afford to do the things London can offer me.

But I can’t leave, I can’t give up that dream that got me out of my smalltown. I can’t leave Dan. As sad as that sounds, but I just can’t. As much as I don’t want to rely on someone else, I want him around. I would be so lonely, so surely that would take away the fun of moving somewhere else.

I want somewhere to feel like home, I’ve moved boroughs just about every year I have been in London so I have never really got to know one. And I left the town I grew up in when I was 8 to an even smaller town, so neither of them felt like home.

I don’t know what I really want or where I want to belong.

1 comment:

  1. london is such a strange place. some days you love it and some days/weeks/months it just kicks your ass over and over amd you hate it.

    i would miss you if you weren't here!! lots and lots!!

    i know everything is so shit now, it's so unfair. i don't want to say everything will be ok, because it must feel like it won't be and i hate it when people do that to me.

    sending lots of love x